We know the change from the summer schedule to the school year schedule can be hard on both the child and the caregiver. When planning for this shift, there is one activity we think is a must have on the new schedule: incorporating a bedtime routine that involves your child telling you about their day. You might think this is obvious and that this is something you already do every day, but the positive impacts of a scheduled time might surprise you.
We asked Jacksonville Country Day School Counselor (JCDS) Liz McNairy M.Ed. about the benefits of having this established routine, which includes noticeable positive changes in behavior, building a deeper connection with your child and a greater sense of preparedness.
Why do you think incorporating a bedtime routine that involves your child telling you about their day is important?
Establishing a routine at bedtime allows a child to know what to expect. It can offer a sense of safety and security, eliminating anxiety and uncertainty. Our days can be filled with so many activities, moving from one thing to the next. Taking the time to connect at the end of the day can help slow all of that down. It can also begin to provide the child with a sense of independence.
What do both the child and the caregiver gain from doing this?
As children navigate through their day, they are often asking themselves, “Am I safe?” and “Am I loved?” As they complete their day feeling safe and loved, their minds are free to think about what they have learned from the day and take those lessons forward. This time may also include any thoughts for the next day, giving you, the caregiver, insight on how to prepare for any challenges for the day to come.
What does incorporating a bedtime routine that involves your child telling you about their day look like?
At JCDS, we use a curriculum called Conscious Discipline by Becky Bailey. This program includes a technique called, "I Love You Rituals," which refers to four steps of engaging with your child. They include being present, making eye contact, playfulness and touch. These aspects of “I Love You Rituals” are a great foundation to set the tone for a daily reflection.
What questions can I ask to get the ball rolling?
What was your favorite part of the day? How did you show kindness today? What was challenging for you today? Do you have any questions about today?
What if I ask my child about their day and they don't tell me anything or simply say, “I don't know?”
“You can model what it sounds like to tell your child about their day by telling them about your day. For example, you might say to them. “I love connecting with you and sharing my day with you, so I am going to tell you something that was challenging about my day which was …”
Should it be the same caregiver each night? Both caregivers? Switching off each night?
Bedtime is a unique time for each family. Ideally, if a child is able to have this time with both caregivers, they strengthen the connection with both. However, that can be challenging. Therefore, you may find one person taking the lead with this time or switching off at times. Keep in mind that when switching caregivers, the child's routine will naturally be different due to different personalities. This may lead to some pushback from the child with one of the caregivers. To aid in any resistance, you may have to remind the child that caregivers have to take turns saying goodnight to their children and that they each love having this time.
