I am guilty of having strong, stubborn convictions regarding certain issues and regrettably, I am too darn quick to point to negativity in situations and people. This is one of those times. Therefore, please do not make the mistake of interpreting the foregoing as an outburst of egotism and self-righteousness. In a world so full of folks who cannot wait to announce their accomplishments on social media or at a dinner party, it was refreshing to read the enlightening book, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brené Brown. To underscore what psychologist Robert Glover once said, “Humans are attracted to each other’s rough edges.” Brown states, “Vulnerability is the path of true human connection and becoming a truly attractive person. Show your rough edges. Stop trying to be perfect.”
Living authentically is being ourselves, not an imitation of what we think we should be. I love what best-selling author, Mark Manson, says about vulnerability, “A man who’s able to make himself vulnerable is saying to the world, “Screw the repercussions; this is who I am, and I refuse to be anyone else.” I argue that most folks have a remarkably difficult time being vulnerable in the form of authenticity because his or her ego gets in the way. One of my favorite self-help authors, the late Wayne Dyer, says that our ego is our worst enemy that convinces us of three primarily false premises:
1) Who I am is what I have.
2) Who I am is what I do.
3) Who I am is what others think of me.
By succumbing to the mental seduction of the ego, we erroneously place ourselves at the center of the universe and it becomes extremely problematic to be authentic, as we incorrectly believe that we run the risk of appearing less than who we are. Although we all have weaknesses, embarrassments, and vulnerabilities, it is amazingly troublesome for many peeps to share his or her shortcomings with others. Instead of selling truth and authenticity, one pretends that everything is just perfect when it fact they are hiding behind their armor of pride. In his thought- provoking, book The Restored Man: Becoming a Man of God, author Randy Hemphill says, pride repels while brokenness attracts. Our brokenness is what unites us as men and paves the way for God’s power. How honest have you been with your community of men or with another man? Why are you afraid of admitting brokenness to others?”
I believe that most of us agree with Mr. Hemphill’s views and I argue that just about everybody finds people more attractive and trustworthy when they show their vulnerability through their weaknesses instead of trying to impress us with all their self-professed successes. Perhaps like you, how much money someone has or his or her degrees and titles does not impress me. Instead, what truly affect me are one’s kindness, integrity, generosity, and humility. I love authenticity. I love real while despising fake! One of my favorite childhood stories is the 1922 classic, The Velveteen Rabbit, by Margery Williams. The read is a beautiful metaphor for the value of being real, authentic and vulnerable. Here is a passage from the book where Skin Horse wisely tells the little rabbit that sometimes being “real” hurts.
“Real isn’t how you are made,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become real. ’Does it hurt?’ asked the Rabbit. ‘Sometimes,’ said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. ‘When you are real you don’t mind being hurt. ’Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,’ he asked, ‘or bit by bit? ’It doesn’t happen all at once,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand. But once you are real you can’t become unreal again. It lasts for always.
Amen Skin Horse! Wouldn’t life be much more enjoyable if we truly appreciated and accepted our cracks and imperfections and were not reluctant to share them with others? I argue that we should take off our armor, put down our weapons and let ourselves be seen, as we truly are. I will allow Mother Teresa to give you my closing arguments, “Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway.” It is okay being imperfect. People crave authenticity…Be YOU!
Harry Pappas Jr. CFP®
Managing Director-Investments
Master of Science Degree Personal Financial Planning
Certified Estate & Trust Specialist ™
Certified Divorce Financial Analyst™
Pappas Wealth Management Group of Wells Fargo Advisors
818 North Highway A1A, Ste. 200
Ponte Vedra, Florida 32082
904-273-7955
harry.pappas@wellsfargoadvisors.com
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