Columnist
They say if you want to master something, teach it, so with this idea in mind the following dispatch is as much for me as it is for you. We have all heard it said, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Wrong, wrong, wrong!” The truth is words are powerful! They have the power to build up or to tear down and the muscle to influence people for better or worse. When someone criticizes, taunts, ridicules, accuses, judges, shames or blames us, the pain seldom goes away. Of course, vice versa. Just as being mean-spirited often has lasting consequences not using words of encouragement to inspire others can be just as problematic.
To underscore this notion, consider arguably one of the greatest artists in history, Barbara Streisand, who is only one of two performers in the world that has an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, Tony, and a Peabody award. Ms. Streisand had a very difficult childhood. Her father died when she was just 15 months old and she had an unhealthy relationship with her mother. At the height of her career in 1994, she performed a world tour that many consider the best ever. Before Ms. Streisand was able to utter a word at the opening of her last show in Anaheim, California to a sold-out audience, the place erupted with an ear popping standing ovation that lasted for several minutes. During the entire applause, the legendary performer glared at one person in the second row. When the ovation silenced, Ms. Streisand looked at this elderly frail woman in a wheelchair and in perhaps a state of brokenness said, “Are you proud of me now mama?” Here at this very moment and perhaps her lifetime, one of the greatest performers in history was looking for words of encouragement from her. In 2018, she did an interview and was asked about this event. She said not one time in her life did her mother tell her that she loved her or was proud of her. Streisand said that she worked her entire life trying to prove to her mother that she was worthy of being somebody.
I recently finished reading a thought-provoking book by Donna Cameron titled, “A Year of Living Kindly: Choices That Will Change Your Life and the World Around You.” The reading painfully reminded me how the “younger me” was incredibly impatient, snarky, judgmental, indifferent and often oblivious to the words that came out of my mouth. I was often too darn quick to point to negativity in situations and people. In fact, my associate of 20 years, Casey, referred to me as the “referee of life.” In other words, I had my yellow penalty flag ready to toss as soon as someone did something that I did not approve. To make the situation worse, I would speak harshly and sarcastically when someone had the audacity to question my delivery. In retrospect, my behavior was rude and boorish, and it descended on me like an epidemic.
Maybe like you, I have always admired kind people. I wanted to be more like them, but for some reason it was much easier to write and speak about kindness than it was to put into practice. I suggest that author Donna Cameron says it best about kindness, “Being kind means caring. It means making an effort. It means thinking about the impact I’m having in an interaction with someone and endeavoring to make it rich and meaningful — giving them what they need at that exact moment, without worrying about whether I get anything in return. It means letting go of my judgments and accepting people as they are. Kindness requires me to do something my upbringing discouraged—it demands that I reach out and that I take a risk.”
I am certainly not the Dalai Lama or Mother Teresa in word or deed, but my world has changed very much for the better since my Eureka moment (divorce) in 2017. I have now learned to let go of my righteousness while giving people the benefit of the doubt. I learned that the satisfaction of being kind is remarkably greater than being right! There is a quote of unknown origin that says it well, “Our past mistakes are meant to guide us, not define us.” It is never too late to revert to kindness regardless of how ornery you were in the past.
Allow me to end this narrative with two quotes. The first comes from author and successful businessperson, Steven Covey, who wrote the best-selling book, “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.” “Words sell and words repel; Words lead and words impede; Words heal and words kill.”
The second quote comes from the wisest person that ever lived, King Solomon. “Words kill. Words give life. They are poison or fruit. You choose” (Proverbs 18:21).
Yes indeed, our words create our world!
Harry Pappas Jr. CFP®
Managing Director-Investments
Master of Science Degree Personal Financial Planning
Certified Estate & Trust Specialist ™
Certified Divorce Financial Analyst™
Pappas Wealth Management Group of Wells Fargo Advisors
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