Columnist
Many of us, especially as we get older, feel a pull to find greater meaning and contentment in our lives. However, often the tug of desiring more fulfillment or purpose is not as powerful as the push from our ego that says more is better. The ego repeatedly reminds us that we are what we have, we are what we do, and we are what people think of us, so we succumb to our ego’s mind-boggling influence and continue with the rat race by striving to be smarter, faster, richer, sexier, more popular, more productive, more envied and more admired. Yes, strive to be the best — better than all the rest!
Welcome to the cul-de-sac of stupidity; a place where we say, “I have this and it doesn’t work, so more of what doesn’t work might work.” More is not better, and we know it. It is crazy. Where is the peace in more is better? It’s common sense, right? So, why do countless people, like this author, continue to slog along the cul-de-sac of stupidity? It is because our ego is amazingly tenacious and unwilling to withdraw gracefully. The ego is never satisfied and if we are not careful and buy into the myth that “if only they had that,” the ego has the muscle to ruin us, as it has to countless others, big and small.
Why did it take me so long to finally retire from the more is better; better is better treadmill? According to an internationally renowned author and speaker in the field of self-development, Wayne Dyer, the move takes place shortly after a “quantum moment” in our lives. My quantum moment was my regrettable divorce in March 2017. I had sleepless nights, uninterrupted streams of tears and consistent thoughts about whether living was worth it. Interestingly though, while I felt that my divorce just handed me a financial and emotional death sentence, little did I know that I was really being born again. My life eventually launched a new journey to one of meaning vs. one of ambition. Dyer said that as we transition from living in the morning of our lives (driven by ego) and into the afternoon of our lives (living on purpose), we understand and appreciate that we are no longer identified with how much stuff we have, our occupation, or what people think of us. Yes indeed, I traded in a life of striving to one of arriving.
Perhaps like you, I inhale movies and documentaries that inspire while providing incredible insight. There is one “spiritual” docudrama called “The Shift” that is my favorite. In this compelling film, Dyer, as the star actor, explores the spiritual journey from ambition to meaning. The film is simple yet so deeply moving, as we witness the frustrations and endless striving of David, Chad and Quinn, which is the way of ambition in our ego-dominated life. In the movie, we also observe these three men make an incredible and heartwarming shift to “meaning” that produces the incredible joy of arriving. I highly recommend “The Shift” regardless of your religious or spiritual belief, or even no faith, especially if you are experiencing an unexpected change in your life.
I encourage you, before it is too late, to look into your heart, examine your priorities, and determine what is most important to you. If you are like me, you will eventually learn that there is remarkably more trouble in gaining possessions than losing them. You too will say, “Enough is enough! Stop the chase!” If you are going through a quantum moment in your life, it is probably very painful. Nevertheless, I argue that your change can be the catalyst for amazing growth, as you empower yourself to a higher understanding of your purpose and of finding inner peace. In closing, I hope the following quote from author Ryan Holiday in “Ego Is the Enemy” will provide you with encouragement and inspiration, as you begin your transition to the afternoon of your life:
“In the end, the only way you can appreciate your progress is to stand on the edge of the hole you dug for yourself, look down inside it, and smile fondly at the bloody claw prints that marked your journey up the walls.”
Harry Pappas Jr. CFP ― Managing director-investments; Master of Science Degree Personal Financial Planning; Certified Estate & Trust Specialist; Certified Divorce Financial Analyst
Pappas Wealth Management Group of Wells Fargo Advisors, 818 North Highway A1A, Ste 200, Ponte Vedra, FL 32082; 904-273-7955; harry.pappas@wellsfargoadvisors.com.
The use of the CDFA designation does not permit Wells Fargo Advisors or its Financial Advisors to provide legal advice, nor is it meant to imply that the firm or its associates are acting as experts in this field.
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The opinions expressed in this report are those of the author(s) and are subject to change. The material has been prepared or is distributed solely for information purposes and is not a solicitation or an offer to buy any security or instrument or to participate in any trading strategy.
