John W. Gray III, pastor and author of “Win from Within: Finding Yourself by Facing Yourself,” said the following in his enlightening paperback: “How many stories do we have of entertainers and people of great notoriety who, because of their gifts and talents, have ascended to great heights of visibility, but once they arrive, they find themselves completely empty? They search for value and validation at the end of a bottle, or at the end of a puff of smoke, or after an exchange of intimacy with someone they barely know, but none of this can fill the hole in their souls.”
Regrettably far too many folks, who seem to have it all, are deeply unhappy. They often succumb to destination addiction; the idea that happiness is in the next place or next job or even the next companion. The idea of more, more, and more is a failed experiment but for whatever reason so many of us keep wandering along the cul-de-sac of stupidly telling ourselves that when we get what we want and enough of what we want then we will be happy. Nope, doesn’t work, as countless people will tell us, but for whatever reason most of us have to learn it the hard way.
Charles R. Swindoll, in his book, “Paul: A Man of Grace and Grit,” underscores the concept of destination addiction quite nicely when he said, “What is it going to take for us to give up this idea that we’ve got to be somebody? Everyone joins the race to the top. Sadly, I can report that the loneliest, most unfulfilled people I’ve ever met are people at the top. They’ve arrived, but most are lonely, living on empty, desperate to find a meaning for their existence. Sadly, Christians aren’t immune.”
Perhaps you are like the younger me looking for happiness in all the wrong ways and all the wrong places. I finally got it that happiness is not obtained by the pursuit of happiness but rather by living right. So what exactly is “living right” that keeps us healthy and happy as we journey through life?
Perhaps a 75-year-old Harvard Study of Adult Development answers the quintessential question. Consider the inquiry presented by the original researchers; What if we could follow people throughout life and document what makes them happy? Since 1938 these academics tracked the lives of two groups of men, 268 Harvard graduates from the Harvard classes of 1939 to 1944 and 456 young men growing up in the inner city of Boston around the same time.
What I find remarkable about the analysis is that it did not just involve questionnaires.
Researchers went to participants’ homes and talked about work, home life and health. They chatted with the spouses and children of the subjects, and they reviewed medical records. The subjects also had blood draws and brain scans over several decades to compare physical factors.
“The clearest message that we get from this 75-year study is this: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period,” according to Dr. Robert Waldinger, director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development.
Please take note of the word “good,” as the examination demonstrates that it is not enough just to have relationships but the interactions must include, trust, communication, patience, empathy, affection, and arguably the most paramount characteristic, love! While most scientists argue that love comes, not from the heart, but from our brain, we nevertheless associate love with our heart. I suggest that the bigger the heart, the more love we share and with this incredible love comes the power to accomplish the most difficult feats, especially troubled relationships.
Perhaps the following short story about Secretariat, the legendary racehorse whose name reigns supreme in the history of racing will prove that having a big heart indeed has incredible power. Not only did Secretariat become the first horse in 25 years to win the Triple Crown in 1973, the thoroughbred did it in a way that left spectators breathless.
Accelerating with each quarter-mile, Secretariat crossed the finish line at 1:59 2/5th, a new (and still standing) course record. In the 47 years since, only one other horse, Monarchos finished in less than two minutes. What I find more astonishing is that after Secretariat’s death, veterinarians discovered the secret to his incredible power; a heart nearly three times the size of an average horse’s heart, an estimated twenty-two pounds! If you believe, as I do, that a big heart (sacrificial love) is the foundation of healthy relationships, you might enjoy reading Danny Silk’s remarkable book, “Keep Your Love On.”
“Keeping your love on is a hard thing to do. Sometimes it’s the hardest thing to do. But if you want to build healthy relationships with God and others, learning to keep your love on is non–negotiable,” according to Danny.
Lastly, if you found this rather lengthy narrative of interest, I urge you check out Dr. Robert Waldinger’s 13-minute YouTube presentation regarding the 75-year-old Harvard study on happiness. I believe you will find the speech, as entertaining and thought provoking, as I did. To close this dispatch, here are words of wisdom from Robert Holden, Ph.D., in his book “Authentic Success:” “Until we give up the idea that happiness is somewhere else, it will never be where we are.”
Harry Pappas Jr. CFP®
Managing Director-Investments
Master of Science Degree Personal Financial Planning
Certified Estate & Trust Specialist ™
Certified Divorce Financial Analyst™
Pappas Wealth Management Group of Wells Fargo Advisors
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