Gimme, gimme, gimme! I need more. I am never satisfied. Sadly, that is the ego mantra!
It was the legendary Hindu sage, Ramana Maharshi, who said, “All unhappiness is due to the ego. With it comes all your trouble. If you would deny the ego and scorch it by ignoring it, you would be free.” Spot on! Amen, Mr. Maharshi!
To underscore the spiritual teacher’s position regarding the ego, I turn to one of my favorite self-help books, “Ego is the Enemy” by Ryan Holiday. The author pens an incredibly humbling and thought-provoking read that accomplished what most of my other beloved books do: It made me conduct a studious self-assessment. When you hear the word “ego,” do you think arrogance, self-absorption or condescension?
Many will argue that having a prominent ego is a great asset, akin to the well-known egos of Mother Teresa, Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr. I suggest that the big difference between the egos of these three difference makers is that they had a “purpose,” one that would benefit others and not necessarily themselves. Therefore, an ego accompanied with a burning purpose to serve others is a remarkable attribute. Nevertheless, my viewpoint is that the vast majority of us have gigantic egos, but questionably without purpose, and that, my friend, is dangerous!
Most psychologists appear to use the word “egotist” to refer to someone who is dangerously focused on himself or herself, with disregard for anyone else. These self-centered peeps are scarcely aware that other people exist, including God! At the risk of offending you and me, there is an egotist (without purpose) prowling inside all of us.
For whatever reason, however, we do not recognize the self-publicist. While reading Mr. Holiday’s illuminating read, it became clear that I allowed my ego to get a strong hold on me for many years without being aware of my journey down the slippery and treacherous road of “wanting more.” I accumulated many of the trappings of the success, such as influence, a platform, press, resources, money and even a little notoriety.
In hindsight, it become abundantly clear that my ego insisted on me pursuing more, as in more stuff, more accomplishments, more triumphs, more recognition, more money and the more list continued indefinitely. Yep! More is the mantra of the ego!
Regrettably, my self-worth often made me angry, irritable and as embarrassing as it is to admit, I lost restraint at times and you do not want me to tell you how grouchy I used to be! Talk about a recipe for failure! As they say, the fire that fuels also consumes. Stated more simply, the same drive and compulsion that made me successful by industry standards came with a price … a big price, and I have the scars to prove it!
In another incredible book, “The Road to Character” by David Brooks, the author said something that made me stop and read the sentence repeatedly. Responding to what the author calls the culture of BIG ME, which emphasizes external success, Brooks challenges us to rebalance the scales between our “resume virtues” (achieving wealth, fame and status) and our “eulogy virtues,” those that exist at the core of our being, which is kindness, bravery, honesty or faithfulness. I found Brooks’ simple but profound wisdom to be a breath of fresh air, especially given our current self-centered era where far too many folks cannot seem to wait to announce their accomplishments on social media or at a dinner party.
So, how do we fight to master our greatest opponent, the ego? I suggest the answer is “humility” that is built on the foundation of a giver’s mentality! Very few characteristics impress me more than humbleness, which I define as a person who consistently observes and listens. Contrary to the antics of legendary boxer Muhammad Ali who said, “It's hard to be humble when you're as great as I am,” unpretentious folks take the approach of say little, and do much.
Perhaps you are like me in that when we get outside of “US” and contribute to others, we really begin to feel alive and happy. In the end, no matter how educated, wealthy, talented or how great we think we are, how we treat people ultimately speaks volumes about us. Our ability to develop a reputation as one of humbleness, character and integrity is the highest achievement in business and personal life. Yes indeed, our ego is not our amigo!
Harry Pappas Jr. CFP®
Managing Director-Investments
Master of Science Degree Personal Financial Planning
Certified Estate & Trust Specialist ™
Certified Divorce Financial Analyst™
Pappas Wealth Management Group of Wells Fargo Advisors
818 North Highway A1A, Ste 200
Ponte Vedra, Florida 32082
904-273-7955
harry.pappas@wellsfargoadvisors.com
The use of the CDFA™ designation does not permit Wells Fargo Advisors or its Financial Advisors to provide legal advice, nor is it meant to imply that the firm or its associates are acting as experts in this field. Wells Fargo Advisors is a trade name used by Wells Fargo Clearing Services, LLC, Member SIPC, a Registered Broker-Dealer and a non-bank affiliate of Wells Fargo & Company. The opinions expressed in this report are those of the author(s) and are subject to change. The material has been prepared or is distributed solely for information purposes and is not a solicitation or an offer to buy any security or instrument or to participate in any trading strategy.
